Even if you don’t recognize me, I’m here!

OMG I didn’t recognize you!  That phase is repeated to me at least once per day.  Depending on the person I am sometimes flattered and other times annoyed.  I fully embrace the fact that over the past two years I have changed in so many different ways. With that being said I am still very much the same person.  Or should I say this is the real me.  This is the person I lost so many years ago

So let’s get you up to speed:

Gastric Bypass Surgery:  August, 23, 2010

Starting Weight:  256

Weight as of 8/23/12:  152

Post surgical complications:  ulcer, GERD

Two years down and holding firm….literally.  I am still amazed at how much things have changed from two years ago.  The only thing that remains the same is the scale.  I love that my body picks a number and sticks with it!

Over the past year I have been able to increase my food intake (not necessarily a good thing) and my diet has more variety.  The good part of that is I usually don’t go past 154 on the scale.  I will be honest and say that I don’t do any formal exercising, BUT I do lead a more active lifestyle.  I haven’t run any road races, but I am getting up and off the couch more than ever….and for me that is a huge change.

I still have regular stomach aches which sometime turn into hospital visits.  I am on a variety of acid reducers to prevent that, but sometimes the pain is just too severe.  There are a few other complications but will spare you the details.  Let’s just say things don’t move as they used too…

The dust has settled and I am finally comfortable in my own skin.  I have slowly begun to make some long overdue changes in my life.   They haven't all been easy, but they were very necessary.  I can honestly say I have "Lost My Waist and Regained My Mind"

I would like to leave you with lyrics from one of my favorite R&B artist’s Jill Scott. I play this song every single day.  It’s to remind myself that “You is kind. You is smart. You is important” ~ The Help

Jill Scott “Still Here”

I am a boisterous river
I am a mountains story
I am a quiet feeling
I am a fragrant flower
I am a moonlit evening
I am a peaceful night
I am a writers thinking
I am a wealth unfathomed
And if you don’t recognize my presence, I am here
And if you don’t recognize me, I am here

I am a source of power
I am excited journey
I am the rock of patience
I am a whisper singing
I am unbridled freedom
I am the thought from thinking
I am a love unshattered
I am the great orgasm

And if you don’t recognize my presence, I am here
And if you don’t recognize my presence, I am here

And even if you don’t recognize me, I‘m still here
And even if you don’t recognize me

And even if you don’t recognize me, I‘m still here
And even if you don’t recognize me, I am, oh, I’m still here

Even if you don’t recognize me, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here

Thank you for listening

Happy Surgiversary to ME!

Happy Birthday to My Waist

Happy Birthday to My Attitude

Happy Birthday to My Stomach

Happy Birthday to My Knees

Happy Birthday to ME

If you know me you know I’m not one to celebrate any holidays…especially my birthday.  This particular year I’m going to make an exception.  This year so many changes have occurred I feel the need to acknowledge all that has happened. 

One year ago today I had Gastric Bypass Surgery.  Looking back over the past year I couldn't have imagined just how much my life has changed. 

Let’s recap shall we…

Just the facts:

August, 23^rd 2010

Current Weight – 251

Current Size – 22-24

August 23, 2011

Current Weight – 148

Current Size – 8

Just the Physical:

Obviously I knew by having gastric bypass I would lose weight.  I NEVER thought I would look or feel the way I do.  Walking into a store and being able to browse through ALL the racks is mind blowing.  I’m wearing things that I actually want to be seen in.

I remember coming to work and not wanting to get breakfast in the café because I was embarrassed of my outfit.

Just the Mental:

The self esteem I've gained from this can’t really be translated into words.  Making the decision to have Gastric Bypass was the first step to getting my mental state back in order.  Little did I know that having this surgery would bring so many of my dark hidden secrets into the light.  Dealing with “some” of my baggage has really made for a difficult year but I wouldn't change a thing.  I am truly a changed person on the inside as well as the outside.

Just the Present
I FEEL GOOD!

I still have stomach aches for varies reasons (over eating, gas pains, eating the wrong foods, etc.).  My skin is tone is incredible.  My hair is holding tight. My energy level is great. My boobs are HORRIBLE!!!.  My stomach and thighs are in much better shape than I could have every hoped.

I am still reminded daily of the changes I decided to make to my body.  I still can't eat what I want when I want, but I am at the point where I would make the same choice over again.

This was the best decision for me

Just the Thanks!

Without the grace and mercy of God none of what I've been through would have been possible.  I'm truly thankful for the good and the bad.  He continues to pull me through each and every time.

Thank you to my husband and my children for standing by me 100%.
They have been right there with me through this whole process and I couldn't have done it without them

Thank you to all my extended family and friends who have been so supportive

Thank you to my blog followers who have stuck with me and still drop by and say hello




Please take a moment and visit my photo album from May 2010 through August 2011.  Enjoy! 
My First Year Rewind!!! 

Before meet After

As promised a long long long time ago I'm here to post a before and after shot of the new size 14/12 me!  This has been the most difficult journey, but after seeing this picture it takes the sting out of all the stuff I've been going through.

Before you get to the picture let me do a bit of housekeeping and bring you up to speed.

• My current weight is 184
• I'm wearing a size 14 bottom and a large top
• I was hospitalized in December with a Bezoar.  They removed it but the pain still continues to persist.  Lucky Me!  They initially called it a "hairball", but once I explained that I've NEVER EVER eaten hair they decided to change their tune.
• A bezoar ( /ˈbiːzoər/) is a mass found trapped in the gastrointestinal system (usually the stomach),^[2] though it can occur in other locations.^[3][4] A pseudobezoar is an indigestible object introduced intentionally into the digestive system

• I continue to struggle with things getting stuck.  They've gone done with the scope twice so the opening should be huge by now.  As I get further out things are getting slightly better or maybe I'm just dealing with it better.  Who knows...

• I still have hair on my head!  I was VERY worried that once my hair came out of the braids I would be bald.  I take my multi-vitamin and Biotin daily to help the with Sinead O'Connor look
• I've signed up for the gym but haven't been going.  Once I get my transportation in order that will be my first order of business.  Things are swinging and swaying so it's time to get moving

Well without further a due...

May 2010, Size 20

December 2010, Size XL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 2011, Size 12

My new goal now is working on becoming comfortable in my new skin.  I haven't cleaned out my closet yet in fear that I will need my "fat" clothes.  Gastric Bypass is 80% mental and 20% physical if you ask me...

Before and After Time

Howdy!

Here is a quick before and after face shot.  I keep getting so many comments about my face thought I would post a side by side and see what all the fuss is about.  Even though I got some weird googly eye thing going on I can see a difference.

The good news is I just bought a camera and I'm not afraid to use it!  So keep a googly eye out for some body shots...COMING SOON!

 

*side note~wish I could control where the weight comes from.  I'm afraid that I will get that gaunt skeleton look

Knock Knock! Who's There?

It's me ONEderland!

I "officially" hit Onederland today.  I actually hit last week but wanted to get through Thanksgiving to be sure it stuck.  I'm must admit this is an exciting day for me.  I haven't had to many "ups" through this process so I'm going to take this one and rejoice in it. 

Have a Great Week!

Everything is wrong

I'm really having a tough day and need to vent. 

Just when I think everything is under control the clouds part and the bolt of lightning hits me.  NOTHING is going right these days....fighting with hubby, kids are out of control, bills aren't paid, work is a nightmare.
 
I need a vacation from my life. 

I'm really doing my best to hold it together, but I'm quickly spiraling out of control.  Then of course there is this major life change I got going on with my body.  Things have been better in terms of my Gastric Bypass, but knowing that I will have to keep this lifestyle up for the rest of my life is a daunting task. 

I'm waiting for that little birdie to whisper "everything is going to be ok".  He hasn't come yet so all I have is this blog


Well onward and upward...

Realizations!

So I've realized a few things, and I would love to share them with the world.  Hopefully this will help another RNYer so they don't end up with Angry Pouch.

• Your old life is gone
• no matter what you heard, no matter what you read it's gone, and you best get with the program ASAP
•  You need a plan
• you can't wing it
• you can't just grab something
• spend some time on you and get a plan...QUICKLY
• Sip It!
• go ahead and think your Big Gulp Willy if you want to.  Get your fluids in, but remember to take it one sip at a time
• Chew it good! (insert Devo - Whip It music)
• unless you like to see your food again and again and again and again
• Nobody is going to steal it
• take your time and enjoy your five bites
• Get off your ASS!
• refer back to bullet #1...Ms. Couch Potato has left the building, and should be walking around the block by now

I'm really putting this is writing for my benefit as a new post-op.  I often read my blog and seeing this in purple in white will hopefully motivate me.  The scale hasn't moved in weeks, and I'm ready to get on with the show already.

Have a fab weekend and see you on Monday with my brand spanking new plan!!

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly!

Hello out there in Blogger Land!  I've been so miserable I forgot the purpose of my blog.  I started this thing so I could journal my "progress"and  reflect back on all my milestones.

So let's get ya'll up to speed shall we...


The Good
I've lost 40lbs
I've been advanced to Stage 3-mushy foods
I can finish a shower without passing out
My breath doesn't smell like donkey butt
The support from friends and family

The Bad
I'm still having swelling/swallowing issues
Going back to work next week
Feeling like I had a death in the family (food)
All the pills/vitamins


The Ugly
My thighs

I under estimated how hard this journey would be.  Even though things are improving I still regret my decision.  That feeling is slowly going away now that my good days are out-numbering the bad.  Hopefully once I develop a routine and better learn my limitations the feeling will disappear completely.

If anybody still remembers me I would love to hear how you started back.  Thinking about dusting myself off and returning to work makes me nauseous.  I have a fear that I will eat something and be hanging over the toilet in my office with my boss holding my hair back. 

As you see any tips will be helpful

Barely Surviving The First Week

*Disclaimer-This is going to be short and sweet but I wanted to get a post in...and please excuse anything that sounds odd I'm still fairly fuzzy

So I had my RNY Gastric Bypass on Monday, August 23rd.  Things went well considering all the could have gone wrong.

Monday - S-U-C-K-E-D!  I came out of surgery well but the good drugs were a bit to good for me.  I couldn't handle them so they switched me over to morphine that evening. 

Tuesday - Still sucked but I was able to remember to whom I spoke with

Wednesday - I thought this was going to be my day to shine..WRONG!  I couldn't swallow and was still very swollen from the surgery and hernia repair.  I freaked out a few times and they finally told me to stop trying and wait until tomorrow

Thursday - I was advanced to Stage 2 in the morning and was discharged late morning. 

Since being home I've been trying to work Stage 2 but I'm just DONE!  I can't tolerate another shake and I'm grumpy and funky.  I've been getting in all the water I can, and I just started take my vitamins as recommend.  I put in a call to the nutritionist to find out if there is a creative way to get in my protein.  I am walking as much as possible but that is no easy task either.  I really hope things turn the corner for me soon cause at this very moment I regret this decision. 

Every now and again my hubby takes a peek at my blog so I just want him and the world to know...

I Love You So Much!  Getting this far would have never ever been possible with out you.  My husband and my kids have been there with me through every pain and whine and I love them for that

THANK YOU!!

Beautiful

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay


And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

Versatile Blogger Award!

So I'm always a day late and a dollar short...SORRY!

I was awarded the The Versatile Blogger Award by Shea last week, and I am just getting around to the rules of the award.

1. Thank the person giving you the award - check!
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.

7 Things you may not know...(be afraid)

1. I LOVE all things reality and my DVR is my best friend.  Part of my surgery prep has been making sure my DVR is updated.  I've been deleting and recording all types of things for me to watch while I'm home recovering.  I ONLY admit this as the first step in getting help for my TVRA (TV Reality Addiction)
2. I secretly think I'm Beyonce and I can prove it.  We both have the same signature move of whipping our hair around in public (see video-I'm the one in the yellow sprinting across the yard).  I planned to name my band Beyonce but we all know what happened there.  Needless to say I should limit myself to ONE glass of wine when in public, and my husband is armed with a video camera.
3. I was raised Jewish and a strict vegetarian. Not sure if you know this or not but I'm black and that was a little odd at the time. They treated me like their own and I will always love them for that
4. I really want to be a wedding planner.  I love to organize and see all the little details come together. The problem is I have zero taste or any eye for anything unique and/or special.  In addition I'm the type who will be late for her own funeral.
5. I AM THE NOSIEST PERSON ON THE PLANT.  I sleep with my police scanner...again I admit these things because that is the first step in realizing you have a problem.
6. I have SERIOUS boob envy.  I've always been on the smaller side and I constantly size up women wishing I had their bust size.  I would take a boob job over a tummy tuck any day of the week.
7. Even though I suck at it I LOVE blogging.  My grammar is horrible and I never have anything insightful to say but it's so therapeutic.  People who don't know me and will never meet me in person take a few minutes to read my crazy thoughts floating in my head.  I will always be grateful and appreciative of that.  This experience has been a roller coaster to say the least, but people have remained my friend and keep coming back to support me post after post.  You will never understand how much that means to me.  Thank You!

Nomination of a Few Good Bloggers!
Kristen-I'm with the band - She inspired me to start my own blog and she is a fellow Bostonian
Wanda-The Evolution of Wandanomics - My Sister from another Mother
Gilly-something something something Fat Chick -she is hilarious and I enjoy reading her blog
Kristen-*Kristen's Lapband Journey* - something about that southern charm keeps me checking her progress..and she is gorgeous to boot
Amanda-Amanda's Waning - I relate to her more than she knows.  She is a beautiful person.
Grace-Grace's Fat Chance - She has a special place in my heart.  She reminds me of someone I know and love dearly..my daughter
Drazil-It's just Me, Drazil & Sheniqua - we all know she needs no explanation
Brittanie-Yup... I Said it. - A tiny peek into the youthful mind of the future.  I've loved this young women since the day she was born.  Even through our ups and downs of onesies and pepsi fights.  She has been a solid influence in my daughter's life and I love her for that
Athena-Athena's Melting - she is a beautiful writer and her selection of pictures is worth a drive by of her blog
Stephanie-Dreams of Skinny High Heals - on the outside she looks like this cute soccer mom and then you read on and she has the BEST potty mouth..LOVE IT
LDswims-A Journey to Embrace - always there with an encouraging comment..thank you
Debi-Hawaii Bound Bandster - gave me my very first shout out and Happy Birthday to YOU!
ALL of the my followers!  Thankfully I haven't lost one due to my craziness and I love each and every one of them

P.S.  I'm on Day 9 of my pre-op diet and it still sucks.  It doesn't suck as bad as Day 1, but it's no day at the beach.  I've lost 9 pounds so far and I'm more emotionally hungry than anything.  I've slipped a few times in terms of eating more meat than allowed but I've haven't strayed completely.  I've just been trying to lay low until Monday rolls around and I can get this this whole thing over with.  I'm getting on my own nerves so I can imagine how annoyed the people around me are.

Day 3: This is not getting any easier

I AM HUNGRY! I AM HUNGRY! I AM HUNGRY I AM HUNGRY!

I'm trying to stay positive and remember this is MY CHOICE.  I know I'm not supposed to feel like I just ate Thanksgiving dinner, but I'm SO HUNGRY.  I'm drinking my shakes and getting in TONS and TONS of water.  I'm devouring my two servings of fruit and woofing down my one meal per day.  NOTHING IS TAKING AWAY THE HUNGRY HORRORS.

I've been told that it will begin to get better around Day 3.  It really doesn't seem that way at the moment.  Now I have a nasty little headache on top of my stomach growling and being REALLY dizzy.  I'm heading to a support group meeting tonight.  I plan to ask what I can add just to get me over the hump.

On a more positive and less whiny note I've received my very first award.  I wish that I wasn't so grumpy so I could really enjoy it.

Thank you Shea of Sugar Snap and ME! for this beautiful (and timely) mention.  I really appreciate it.  I going to get started on paying it forward tonight after my one meal.  That way I have a clear head and won't babble.

Day 2-Had some time on my hands

Hoping this speaks for itself...

and away we go...Day One

Today starts my 14 day liquid diet.  I'm trying to keep a positive head about the whole thing but I'm terrified that I am going to stave to death.  I have several projects lined up to keep me busy, but as of right now all I want to do is nap.  I'm almost grateful they make you do this.  It's a good prep before your actual surgery.  I will have plenty of time to work on my head hunger.  I'm also doing medication and that seems to help calm me down when I go off the deep end.


I will be posting often during this phase as I will need someone to vent to.  I will also be posting my "before" stats and pictures at some point this week.  Hubby is doing my pictures and measurements tonight.  Then I will need to crop them so I don't scare anybody for life

I also want to say Thank You again to my blog friends.  You guys have been really supportive throughout this crazy ride and it's much appreciated.

Stay tuned the fun is just beginning!

Why?

I struggled all weekend about my decision to proceed with bypass surgery.  I finally decided that I needed to go back to the basics.  So out comes the good old Pros and Cons list.  You already know that I'm a glass half empty kinda gal so Cons first:

Cons

• Death/Complications
• Not big enough for this type of surgery
• Strict nutritional guidelines
• Hair loss
• Longer recovery
• Lose to much weight in the wrong places (end up looking like a crack head)
• Excess skin (no money for plastic surgery)
• Relationship changes (marriage, friends, family)

Pros

• Better chance at losing/maintaining 100lbs +
• Improved self esteem
• Less joint/body pain
• Healthier lifestyle
• More energy
• Do something for me
• Decreased stress
•  Start living my life again
• Prevention of comorbidities (I've been teetering on a few in the last couple of years)

Most of these pro and cons are the same reason I decided to get the Lap Band.  I won't know everything until I get on the other side but I really want this.  The route has changed but the ultimate goal is still the same.  I'm not willing to give up my dreams of building the best ME that I can. 

I've decided to have gastric bypass surgery.   I'm comfortable with my decision and I hope that others will be able to support me and help me through this journey.

I would like to thank the people who posted comments on my last post.  I was really shell shocked by the news and your comments really helped.  I plan to keep blogging and hopefully you guys won't leave me.

You Dropped a Bomb on Me

Today at 8:30am I had my final appointment with my surgeon.  The first person to see me was the intern and we reviewed everything.  She gave me the side eye about gaining 10 pounds since March, but other than a mild case of esophagus something or other I was primed and ready to go.  So she folded up her notes and off she went. 

Enter BOMB from the left

In walks my surgeon and he says a few things that I can't remember and then he starts in with my esophagus issue.  He says a few other things which is making my throat close and then leans way back in the chair.  Due to this mild esophagus issue I am no longer a good candidate for the Lap Band.  Once the band begins to get tighter my esophagus will begin to close.  Essentially causing more issues and blah blah blah.  I have no idea what exactly was said cause I went blank around the time I'm no longer a candidate.

At this point I'm doing my best to hold it together.  I did wear my big girl pants because I was already expecting to get in trouble over my 10 pound gain.  Little did I know he didn't even read that far in my chart.  So he continues to talk and I continue to hold back the tears and just when I'm about ready to be mopped up he says that I would be a very successful bypass candidate.

So now I'm blubbering all over the outfit I worked so hard to fit into.  I ask him to explain the bypass again so I can understand what's involved.  He does but I don't really remember a word of what he said.  Thankfully he said I could take a week and call his office with my answer.  I try to finish up the conversation with some sort of dignity and assure him that I will let him know what my decision will be.

I'm lost right now

It's alive

I know, I know, I know...I SUCK



I've been lurking, but haven't had much to say about weight stuff.  I would love to blog about all the other crap in my life but who cares about that.  Things are about to hit full stride in a couple of weeks so get ready.  I'm gonna need my blog friends to get me through this liquid diet.

So here is a quick and dirty of my life these days...

I have my last appointment with my surgeon and my pre-admitting test appointment on Thursday.  I'm trying to put a list questions together that I should be asking, but I really don't know what I should be asking.  If you have any suggestions PLEASE leave a comment. I start my liquid diet on August 9th, then its surgery time on August 23rd. 

I do have a few questions for my veteran banders out there

1. Do you have or where did you find a sample diet?  I'm meeting with the dietitian again, but I want a real life answer of what my diet should consist of.
2. Any suggestions on lactose free shakes?  What is your favorite brand and/or flavor
3. How much weight, if any did you lose during the pre-op diet?

My goal of the post is a bit different this time. Since I'm always such a Debbie Downer I thought it would be nice to report a victory.  I'm drinking water...lots of water!  I haven't kicked the coffee, but the diet coke hasn't been the beverage of choice for a while now.  I've been doing so well that my body continues to ask for it so now I have no choice.  baby steps folks..baby steps.  My next goal is to focus on a meal plan.  I'm going to put my secretarial skills to work and organize my menu.

Wish me Luck!

BYOC Friday

BYOC everyone!  5 questions - some funny, some serious - we answer in our blogs to get to know each other better and to ease our fried brains on Fridays!

1.  Love or money?  High salary or job satisfaction?

SHOW ME THE MONEY!  as for the job  SHOW ME THE MONEY!

2.  What is your favorite time of day?

When I'm settled for bed.  I use the word settled to mean when the kids are in their rooms, the cats have found their spots, the dishwasher has stopped, hubby is snoring on the couch downstairs and my reality TV is queued up

3. Do you have a will?  Did you tell anyone your wish to be kept alive or not?

I don't have a will.  I really need a will because my daughter from a previous relationship isn't legally adopted by my husband.  The whole thing scares the crap out of me and that is why I don't have one.
My husband knows my feelings on pulling the plug.  So unless he comes down with a sudden case of amnesia I'm covered there.

4.  Repeat question.  Pick one thing for one day you'll do next week that aids in your physical or mental health.

I'm going to work on my water.  Since I've had that talk with myself I really been trying to get on the positive side of things. 

5.  Repeat questions.  Make someone a superstar for a moment...whose comment or blog stuck with you this week and why.

I haven't given any love this week to the blog world.   This whole blogging thing is really a case of you get what you give.  I promise to be better.

Dear Genise

Hello,

I've let you have your moment long enough.  It's time to get up, dust yourself off and put your game face on. Stop feeling so defeated!   

YOU control what you eat.  YOU control what you do.  YOU control how you act. 

If you continue to wallow in self pity then you will not achieve your goals.  This is an uphill battle and I know that your strong enough win.   You cannot continue to look at the big picture because that is where you begin to fail.  Begin this journey by starting small. Congratulate yourself for making better choices today instead of beating yourself up over yesterday.  Pretty soon all your small victories will turn into big changes.  This is a life long fight that you're not going to win overnight.  

So here is your new game plan:

• You're going to pack your lunch - your very successful when you stay out of the cafe

• You're going to get off your ass - stop turning down offers to walk around the pond that is five mins from your house

• Next week you're going add another item to your list and you're going to stick with it.  

You do not have a choice!  You want to fit into your fat clothes right?  You want to stop buying fat fat clothes right? You're not going to roll into that operating room any bigger than you are now.
When you're feeling discouraged please come back and read this note to yourself. 

One more thing...STAY THE FUCK OFF THE SCALE.  Seeing this number is not good for your psyche.

With Love,

Genise  

So Fly

I'm having THE WORST FUCKING DAY!  I got on the scale again and I'm a nice round 250.  Had a whopper of a fight with my husband and now I'm crying at my desk.  Mind you I sit in a fishbowl so it's not a pretty site.  Thank god I have therapy tonight cause I'm on nasty hormonal mess.

I wanted to share something I saw/heard on the BET Awards last night.  The name of the song is So Fly and it's written and sung by Elle Varner.  The lyrics are...well read/hear them for yourself

So Fly-Elle Varner Live
(Verse 1)

I can't help being depressed

When I look down at my chest

Oh yes my chest it might as well be nonexistent How can I ever compete With 34 double d's.

And I'm rollin my eyes

When I look down at my thighs

They might as well tape everything that I eat, to my legs.

I am too broke for the knife

Too lazy to excercise

But if I had hazel eyes

Maybe I could be fly.

(Chorus)

If I had no cellulite

Big breasts and pockets real wide

Then maybe I

Maybe I, I, I could be so fly.

And if I had a small waist

I'd make the boys go insane

And maybe I, maybe I, I,

I could be so fly.

So fly 3x.

(Verse 2)

Now listen

I've got a beautiful soul

But only 4 people know

They've known me since I was 10

Beauty did not matter then.

Now in my 20s all that matters

Is sex cars and money

And ive got none of the three

So basically

I am invisible to all of the fellas

And I sit at home jealous

There was no golden ticket

In my chocolate today.

And worst of all

I'm reminded in the cruelest ways

Of how I don't look and I should look

And that's why I say...

(Chorus)

 If I had no cellulite

Big breasts and pockets real wide

Then maybe I

Maybe I, I, I could be so fly.

And if I had a small waist

I'd make the boys go insane

And maybe I, maybe I, I,

I could be so fly.

So fly 3x.

 (Bridge)

Essentially all I need

Is to be everything but me

Colored contacts

Liposuction

And some implants

Somehow that don't make much sense

I must be out of my head

If I think that I am governed by material things.

So I decided that I'm

The definition of fly

And if you want to know why

I know what money can't buy

Don't go believin the hype

There's no runway in the sky

And no way you could be fly not if it costs you a dime.

(chorus)